the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
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I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
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I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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