I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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