There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
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