Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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