is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
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Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
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I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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