I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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