I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
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I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
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You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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