I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
