i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
