If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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