I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
