so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
