your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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