goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
