at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
no, he came in my armpit
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
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Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
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The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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