a queef is a wish your heart makes.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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