Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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