Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
