I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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