only if we run a train.
done.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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