My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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