Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
