i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
