Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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