Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize