great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
