Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
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he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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