I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
