Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
