just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize