y did u give ur computer a hand job?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
