i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
