Dual....:-)
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
