this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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