I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
