After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
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Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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