I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
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I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
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Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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