your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We named our party play list daddy issues
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
