Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
