Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
