Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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