At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
