I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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