If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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