I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
