Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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