I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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