Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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