Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
