Your tits are I can't wait for
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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