In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
