I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
