Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Barsexuality is the new black.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
