Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
