batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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