Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
