The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
