We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
