There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
