im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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