I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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