Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
